Fe Fi Fo Fum. Ho-hum.

Dear friends..to all who wrote to me, dropped a line or two in my blog, added me to their friends’ list….I just want to say I’ve been away for quite a long while from friendster. I apologize for the silent replies to your mails and messages. I hope all is well with you.

I am not accessing this account as often as I used to. Life moves me on to many things. The world spins and I, with it. Wobbly at times. I have spent some time with friendster..but I have moved on. Change beckons. New things await. I will not be blogging for a while..so this will formally close my blog here. I will write a book for sure, but it’ll be a private one till I can share it again.

I wish you life’s bountiful blessings and happiness. May you laugh some, play some, work some, cry some, sing some, dance some, write some, read some, draw some… and love some. And may you find comfort and happiness in friendships that knows no boundaries, race or culture - but one that is accepting and forgiving for who and what we are - for such friendships are found here in friendster. Adios. Sayonara. Godspeed.

I’ll wait. Just say there’s a chance, I’ll wait. But please say it. 
My voice sounded almost pleading.
I can’t…  (I heard a sob.) I don’t know what to say…what to think…please..
There was another sob. 
We were silent for awhile.  My heart throbbed and I felt like my insides were all choked up.   My brother came inside the room. 
Time to go!. 
I looked up, and signaled five more minutes.  He looked at me and nodded.  Without another word he took my luggage outside the room.   I thanked him silently.
I sat there at the end of the bed, phone in my hand, staring at nothingness. 
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I got the courage to say it.
I..I got to go. 
No answer.
I’m sorry I made you cry.  ….bye. 
Bye. 
I waited for her to hang up. Then the line went dead.   I got out of the room and out of the house.   With a heavy heart I greeted the gloomy sky of the early autumn morn. My brother took my bags and got into the car.   
You okay?
I nodded and got in.
The car came into life and we were on our way.
I was young. 
I was in-love. 
I was heart broken. 
Miles away, under the same California sky, my best friend was sobbing.
                                       ~~~ o ~~~
It was reminiscent of a scene a year ago from that day.
She was leaving and we spent the last few days together. 
We went shopping, had lunch and went to church to pray for each other.  Then at the last moment we talked about us. 
There was never an “us”.  Just a guy and girl who happened to be best friends. 
But something happened along the way – the guy fell for the girl.  Then suddenly she has to go away.   
She never believed in distance relationships.
Long term relationships never worked. 
I didn’t believe distance will be a factor.
I’ll follow you.  Don’t worry I’ll follow you, I promise.
But it won’t work. 
It will if we make it so.

So there was never "us".  Just a possible "us if situations were different."
But I made a promise. And a year later I was on a plane heading for San Francisco.  We wrote and talked almost every week during that time.  My phone bills were sky-high.
Nevermind,  I was young.  I was in-love.   And my heart was full of hope.

It’s quite lonely here, she said. 
Hang in there, I replied. 
Sometimes I want to go home.
It’s normal.  Don’t worry you’ll make new friends and before you know it you’re all adjusted. 

We talked on almost everything. 
Except about having someone. It was an unsaid topic - &nbspone better left untouched.

                                       ~~~ o ~~~

Then one day, several days before the departure, she said something that made my heart stop. 

I got to tell you something. 
Yes?
I’ve met someone. 
…
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. 
…
Please say something.  We’ll still see each other when you come here right?
…
Then I choked up enough words to say.
I see… I’m sorry ..This.. that was a surprise.  …Yes, of course we’ll still see each other.  ….Heck, I’m already packed and ready to leave the day after tomorrow!
I tried to sound cheerful.
Good!  I’ll pick you up at the airport.  I’ll go with him.  You know I don’t have a car… 
I wasn’t listening anymore.  I was still reeling from the shock.  It can’t be.   But I guess… after all there was never an "us".    She needs someone to take care of her… to make her happy there. 
All thoughts came racing in.  All realizations.  All frustrations.  All confusions.   I was young. And I felt stupid.   Stupid to hope.  Stupid that I didn’t make that trip earlier. 
                                       ~~~ o ~~~
So we went as planned.   

And days after going out to see the Hollywood sign, after all that screaming at Jaws at Universal, after lots of popcorns and lots of waters splashed at that tall mountain at Disney, it was time for me to fly back home.  Then goodbyes were said that left two people broken hearted.  That left friends, strangers. 

I hugged my brother at the airport.
Thanks for everything.
He hugged me back.
Pete…don’t worry.  There will be others. 
I nodded. 
Thanks…I hope so.
                                        ~~~ o ~~~
The plane ride was sixteen hours long.  I sat there lost in thought, taking comfort in my being alone. Finally I took out a paper and decided to write.   I wrote and I wrote.

The stewardess came and gave me my breakfast.
Writing a letter back home?
I nodded.

She came back to bring me my lunch.
My! That’s a long letter.
I smiled.

It was dinner time and she brought me my supper.
My goodness!  Are you still writing?  Is that a book or a letter?!
Just a letter… from a guy who’s terribly in-love, very foolish..and who almost lost a dear friend in his stupidness.

Well, tell your friend that when we are in-love, we often make fools of ourselves.

I smiled.  I will. 
                                        ~~~ o ~~~

Several years passed.  I came to Japan to live and work.  We have moved on with our lives.
Hearts healed. 
Time made love passed.
Love made time passed.

Then on one fine spring day the phone rang.
Moshi-moshi (hello)
I was still drowsy.  Who would call me at this early morning?
Hey you!
…
It’s me!  Or have you forgotten about me?
Heeeyy..it’s you!  How are you?
I’m fine.   Guess what?
What?
I heard a chuckling at the other end.
I’m in Japan!!   
Oh c’mon.  You’re kidding right?
Nope!
Really?…for vacation?
Actually, I’m planning on staying.
Then it was my turn to chuckle.

                                        ~~~ o ~~~

Time heals.
We were friends.  We fell in-love.  We broke our hearts.  We healed them back.  We are best of friends.   
                                        ~~~ o ~~~

Date - August 9, 2005. Time - 12:04 PM.  Place - Inside the Narita Express (NEX) Train bound for Narita Airport.  Status- After catching my breath.    I missed my original NEX by 2 minutes.   After all those running and shouting for people to get out of the way, not unlike the scene where Jack was after a terrorist running inside the subway with a live bomb given just 24 hours to make sure the story ends.  I must have made a record with that dash while carrying my two..hmm..I think I started with three luggages.  Now where’s that other one…? Well anyway, I’m here, finally settled on my seat.  Writing in broken phrases with my notebook that would make my English teacher burst into tears for giving me an "A" in my creative writing class.    Well, this is what happens when you are writing and you’re still catching your breath at the same time. You.. inhale.. type… exhale.. then..inhale.. breath..exhale…then ..inhale..type again.  Ending up with broken sentences and phrases.

So anyhow..why am I running to catch my train to the airport?  Well basically to get to the airport on time to catch the plane back to my hometown to be there when my father turns 75 years.   His birthday is coming up this Friday, August 12, and in our tradition that will be a Diamond celebration.  I spent an ample amount of time last weekend scourging for a gift that would make my father proud to have reached 75 years.  I was actually caught in a dilemma - whether to look for a simple practical gift, or a luxurious one.  A friend suggested a Lazy-Boy couch - the couch that really lives up to its name - "lazy".  It’s comfort  built right into a chair.  But the price tag? a whooping five-figure.  My father would go nuts if he hears the price and for sure the next day he would bring it back to the store.

You see, my father has always been a simple and practical man.  (Like Father Like Son!) He doesn’t go for excessive comforts of life.  (hmm….let’s rephrase that to "Similar to Father, That Son!").   He is content to be able to raise a family, build a home, have food on the table, and good health to live the life he has been blessed with.  He doesn’t ask for more and he doesn’t look for more.  So what do you give a man who is already content and whose happiness is just by being with the family - with his children and grandchildren?  Well, a grandchild was the top of my list but that would take time to make.  So I decided to look for something else.

The next ones on the list were to get him something health related (like a home medical kit or something) or a getaway ticket for weekend with my mother or a small nice memorablia for this occasion.   Good thing I am a very decisive person so it didn’t take longer than a couple of days of much deliberation and store hopping for me to make up my mind.  And I decided decisively that I will definitely get him 2 gifts.  Just to be sure.  He may not like the other one you know.  (umm..what do you think? )

For the first one, I went to an electronics shop to see what consumer electronic gadgets I may find for my father.   And I’m happy to say at the end of my shopping I found lots of cool gadgets for myself. But I soon remember the purpose of my trip so unfortunately I have to return all of those and start scourging again.  This time, luckily I found a cool home appliance.  No it’s not an airconditioner, but a small medical kit - measuring blood pressures, heart beats, etc. that I am sure will find practical use in our home. Ain’t that coooool? Ok forget I ask that.  Anyhow, forget about that appliance having Japanese interface, I can always translate that for them, the point is, I remember how my parents, at their age, are now watching closely their health and often visit our family doctor to have their blood pressures taken.  So why not get a home-kit for them to save travel time and appointment effort?   After testing 4 machines - which gave me different pressure readings - I settled for the one which I think is more accurate. Well, actually the decision was based on the brand and the price - it was the more expensive one and the brand is more well-known for medical appliances; particularly since it says - "used in more households than in clinics and hospitals combined!", so I’m sure this is just right for the home. 

So after having bought it, I thought I got the problem solved. I started looking up again at those cool digital cameras, lifesize robots…but then I realized it’s my father’s 75th birthday!  I should give something nice that we all can remember and one that can be an heirloom someday to pass down to our grandchildren and their grandchildren.  Not the home medical kit!  So I thought the lifesize Honda robot would’ve been perfect, if not for the price tag - which stated "Not For Sale".   Bah, I’m sure there was a guy inside that robot.  I mean how could it danced, walked and talked so smoothly?  Besides I think the metal covering was fake when it easily tipped over when I tried to trip it… though the sound it made when it fell sure sounded like metal.

So anyhow, I realized that I got to get something else. And fast before the day is over.  And I also realized I got to get out of the store.  And fast too before they realized what I did. So off I went again looking for that special gift when I chanced upon a Mikimoto jewelry store, a shop known for quality pearls here in Japan.   Actually it was the lady at  the counter that attracted my attention.  And looking at her, I realized I just have to have that for a gift.  No, not the girl, the nice silver small desk clock with a bluish pearl displayed at the window that disrupted  my view for a moment when I went in for a closer look. It was a limited year 2005 edition product. It was shaped like an arch, all silver with intricate designs at the side.  Then there is a small pearl hanging like a pendulum of a grandfather’s clock with small jade-like blue stones at the sides that complements the shiny silver chain that holds it.  Now she is nice. (And I mean again, the clock, not the girl!) I scrutinized the price tag - and though it was a bit expensive - hey, it’s not everyday that my father will celebrate 75 years.   So without giving it further thought I smiled sweetly at the lady who smiled sweetly back at me and after I got her number and chatted for an hour, I had the clock gift-wrapped and paid the bill.

So now I got 3 gifts..err, I mean 2 gifts.  I am sure I won’t get wrong with these.  Well come to think of it, I do have 3 gifts.  The third one is a sure winner - I’m going home and will give my father a big birthday hug.  There’s nothing like a gift of oneself - the gift of presence that tells a love one that they are loved and we are thankful for their love.  So I’ll give this third gift first.  Then the other two gifts - well, I’m sure he’ll be happy to get them too.

And the rest - from that time till I was running to catch my train - is another story.   Suffice to say that shop girl is involved somewhere in-between.

Happy 75th Birthday Dad!  May the years of blessings and heavenly treasures multiply for all the years to come! God Bless.

..And so I wrote. I started writing something that would start off as a blog entry…then a small article…then a short story and now it became a prologue of what maybe a quirky science fiction. After putting it
aside and reading it again and making revisions and corrections, I set it aside - thinking it is better to take some time off then look at it again in order to see some new insight or put some fresh thoughts
into it. But in this case, it’s been several months since I have touched it. Now, I’m dragging myself to continue where I left off. Ho-hum.

I guess I’m one of those who likes to start off tasks, project the vision, set off the plan, inspire others, pull the plug (oops this last one’s not part of the series) - then leave the implementation and
finishing to others. Or am I? Well I guess a bit. (Hmm this is becoming a self-realization thing.) Let’s see, back then when I used to paint..(yeah I did with oil and watercolours - back when I dreamt I could reach picassos’ level of cubism)..I usually ended up with a clean slate of canvas or a one full of layers and layers of colours. It usually happens when I come back to a painting and decided it’s no good so I’d start all over again or add up another layer of paint…

Anyway so back to the Martians. Or to the Knights with Talking Swords and Purple Dragons who can’t fly - which is the first book I attempted to write but just like the Martians, the Knights, Dragons, Princesses and Wicked Witch Queens just got their over-all orientation on what they are supposed to do but we never got around to working out on the details yet. I guess it’s time to call another round of meeting with the crew. And that needs to be done pronto. Uggh..I hate tying up the tasks I left behind. And what’s that beeping sound the seems like going for ? oh my God it’s the washing machine telling me to take out the clothes and hang them…and what’s that smell? Drats! My chicken just became cold turkey - left inside the microwave for too long. Well I guess it’s pizza again for lunch. Whoa! It’s Saturday …I’m supposed to have a lunchdate about one hour ago……(flipping my celphone) …now I have 5
unanswered phonecalls on my cell. Make that 6..since I won’t answer this one till I can cook up an excuse.

Ahh..life so many things to do, so little time. And of course, like the imaginary Martians in my backyard, this is all fiction. So don’t think I left my date out there hanging. Though I do have these 2 books to
finish. I’ll go back to the Knights first. The Martians can wait. And while at it, I guess I have to continue reading “How To Get Things Started and Finish It” self-help book I bought a couple of months ago. If
only I remember where I placed it….

—
NOTE: Image above copyrighted to Warner Bros.

I have just finished reading the latest part of the Harry Potter series, "The Half Blood Prince".  Though I would love to discuss the implications of the story towards the ending of the series, it would be a spoiler to people who haven’t read it yet - so I’d rather not do so.   (Yeah - unlike some people who inconsiderately placed in their YM status the surprise event in this part!!!  You know who you are! LOL. =)   Anyway..let me put down some of my thoughts about Harry Potter. 

3 Things What I Love Best about the Series:
- the plot and the storyline.  Each book leaves us waiting for more.  The plots are very creative; the way of writing appeals both to the young and the old; and the characters are quite unique.  Sometimes I wonder how they translate them to other languages and culture; and if they do bring out the same attraction and fascination as in the original English language and culture background when they translate them, say to Japanese.  (But I guess they do, as it is a consistent bestseller in one language as the other.)

- Hogswarts Castle, Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley, etc.   The places that J.K. Rowling dreamed up and took us to - they’re very imaginative and fits right in the story.  The ancient castle complete with secret chambers, enchanted forest, living ghosts, moving portraits..makes me want to go and explore there!  There are a lot writer’s material and subplots that can be put into these places alone.

- The Moods of the books.  There are specks of humor, and suspense, and mystery, and fantasy, and even romance.  It’s all a rollercoaster ride from book one to book six as we watched Harry and his friends grew and the story evolved.  It is captivating; and no doubt, kids can identify with many of the young characters in the book

3 Things What I Don’t Love Best About Harry Potter Series: 

- The growing number of pages on each upcoming book.  It gets thicker and heavier each time around.  Though I’m not complaining on the contents though - we sure get our money’s worth - but it becomes unbearable to bring the book around to read.

- Quidditch.  Seriously, do you understand it?  I don’t.  For me, it’s a violent, silly and confusing game - even for a magical world. Imagine being a player on a broomstick, flying way up high and playing something like basketball; and while doing so you have people trying to knock you down - and that’s all the way to the ground folks.  Why?!!  What’s the point - make it like American Football?  But then the scoring system is biased to who ultimately finds another ball.  Huh?  After all that effort?  (Note that harry  almost always has an accident playing the game and it goes on and on.)   Oh yeah if you’re part of the audience, imagine sitting down on the ground for hours looking up (hope your neck won’t strain) and being able to keep up with all the action in the sky.  I would Imagine watching birds playing basketball - the boundaries of the "court", the ball passing, the chasing, the fast paced action…and of course the small winged ball particularly… sure I can see them clearly alright..    And finally, I don’t know why as a supposedly fair and professional sport - whoever buys the best, the latest, the fastest broomstick usually has more chances to win. Huh?   Confusing right?  (reason- it’s magical world, Pete! yeah right and so we take it for granted and accept it as is.)

- Dark rituals and subtle dark materials for a kid’s book.   They’re a bit subtle but they are there. There’s a dilemma for the author - how to balance the 3 types of readers - the kids, the young adults, and the adult.  As a book for teens and up, I have no complaints; but as a kid book - I would rather have them read Howl’s Moving Castle or Enid Blyton or Narnia…then Harry Potter later on.   I really wondered why it became a school material for some schools as reading material for kids. 

Well those are my comments about Harry.  I’m sure you have your own too. Share them - write them down!!

I bought an iPod Shuffle yesterday. I actually have no intention of buying one; but when I was in Akihabara, the electric town here in Japan, I just couldn’t resist. Not when virtually every store I went has a stock of iPods and MP3 players all placed at the front, and almost all the ads in the trains, posters on the stores are all about these newest digital gadgets. So I came, I saw, and I bought!

So now I’m getting used to using this neat device. After going through the installation process and realizing with frustration that I can’t just drag and drop MP3s but has to use the iTunes software to make a library of songs, I was on the way. The good thing is, with 1GB of memory, I can use it also as ordinary USB storage device to transfer files. It cost me about 14K yen for the iPod shuffle but 1GB ordinary USB keys cost about 12-13K yen; so 14K is not bad for a cool looking player/USB key with the Apple trademark on it. =)

But one thing’s for sure, in the future they just have to find a way to cut the cords of the headphone! We’ve come a long way in technology for making mobile players smaller and smaller but the cords are still, for me, long and troublesome. Maybe that’s still a 3 year tech along the road.. but with bluetooth and other short range radio frequency technology out there, cheap wireless iPods is a near reality thing. Hmm..well, with all those wireless signals flying from mobile phones to notebooks, there may be a problem on the actual implementation.  I could imagine having my headphones pick up the tunes of the next guy’s iPod, who’s sitting  right next to me.  But that’s future talk, so let’s set it aside.

Today I have an iPod and I’m happy with it. That is, till the next gadget comes along. 

(For more on iPods and iTunes visit: http://www.apple.com/itunes/)

Today London was struck with a terrorist attack that has taken, as of this time, about 40 lives. Many lives will be shattered - a son losing a father, a wife a husband, a daughter a loving mother, a parent a beautiful and sweet child… As we pray for the souls of all those whose lives were taken away so callously, we pray for their families, friends and loved-ones that they may have the strength to overcome this time of grief.

There is no justification for such act. In the last 5 years we have witnessed a world turning into violence at a time when technology and globalization should have brought us closer together. As we approach the future we are becoming more like the barbarians in the past - killing and fighting each other, though the fight may no longer be for survival but for an ideology; and weapons may no longer be axes and swords but more powerful and more destructive.

I light this candle for the people who have died today. I light this candle for a world that has gone dark. I light this candle in the hope that people in darkness will see the light. That violence begets violence. That Peace is not achieved through War, in any form. That LIFE is SACRED.

I long for the day when we would all live in peace, and find harmony in our diversity. I believe World Peace is not an impossible dream. We have achieved much in the last 2000 years when Europe, Asia and Americas were at war over lands and power. We can achieve much more. People may laugh and say this is an impossible dream… a longing that can never be fulfilled. Perhaps. Perhaps humanity is doomed to its weakness. But I would rather live in a world where people believe that we are more than selfish, weak human beings doomed to wars and violence… that peace is not a farfetched dream.. that if we work for it we can achieve it… than a world where violence is daily news to read at the end of the day and passed away like a fleeting thought.

May the souls of those who passed away so violently, find restful peace.

A friend of mine sent me this story about a Philosopher and the Baby Boy. Enjoy!!! Whoever the original author is - Thanks! (All story credits and photos belong to the original author.)

——————————–

Once upon a time, there was a lonely baby boy sitting in the park, crying ever so badly. A philosopher came by, and asked caringly:

The baby boy said:

Then the baby boy showed the philosopher a picture of his cute little girlfriend:

After looking at the picture, the philosopher laughed so loudly and said,
"You are so dumb!". And the baby boy went absolutely crazy:

Then, the philosopher said wisely:

Instantly, the baby boy felt better:

"If you look at what you do not have in life, you don’t have anything,
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything. "

I was caught off-guard by the question.   We were in a small room showing slides of planets, stars and galaxies to sixth graders in an international school.   We have been doing the stargazing activities and sessions for different schools, as well as for interested students and teachers in our college.  I was a college student then, and there were just a handful of us - but astronomy clubs were rare back then (and they’re still rare now), so we were quite busy with the bookings for stargazing events.  Besides it gives most of the kids, as well as adults, the reason to stay up all night away from their homes, up in the hill or in a field, hunkered down in the ground in a small fire, with our sleeping bags, windbreakers and warm chocolates and coffees.    It’s partly educational, and..uhmm… partly social.   :)

SO there we were, 4 of us would-be-"astronauts" in a room full of sixth graders, whose attention so far was unto the slides we were showing them.   In these sessions, I was the field guy - my role was to give lectures on the field, outside the room, pointing to the sky and showing them distant stars and galaxies.  And telling stories about them.   Astronomy, after all, can get quite boring if we stick to the science of it; so, I took the path of keeping the people’s interest alive - by telling stories.   That way they won’t get bored waiting for their turn at the telescope, and allows me to hone in my story making skills.  :)  But really most of all, I hope I can spark their imaginations.  After all, it was our imaginations that brought us exploring the galaxies in the first place.

But this time, these kids were already full of imaginations of their own.   Usually, on a session with adults, the people would be very silent.  Mostly, I feel, they are afraid to ask any dumb question.  Or to share a remark - unless they are sure about it or have read about it.  But that is understandable - after all they are all "adults".  But the kids - they’re a wonder to behold!  The moment we started showing the slides, the hands kept going up to interrupt our speaker and ask questions.  Some silly, some innocent, some quite interesting.  But it made the whole session more alive and more enjoyable.  And right now a kid just asked "Why are the planets round?".  When I heard of it, I smiled.  Oh-uh, let’s see how he answers this one.    I was at the backseat - and enjoying the scene as one of my buddies try to keep up to the questions of the students.  After all, I am the field guy, not the room guy.    Let him handle these kids.  When my turn came, I’m sure I can handle them.  Or so I thought.

So our speaker explained about the nature of gravity; about how the pull of gravity causes every point of the body to be equidistant to the center so large heavenly bodies like planets whose gravity is stronger,  become round unlike the asteroids and smaller rocks orbiting in space.   And the kid seemed to take in the answer.  Well I hope so - gravity issues can be too much for the kids.   But then again, kids get smarter everyday.  But the main thing is, we don’t get these kind of questions from the adults.   In fact if I think about it, I may not have considered this simple thing in the first place and just accepted that planets are round.   It’s made that way.  End of story.   But kids - their endless curiousity is..well endless.    My niece and nephew often asked me about things that can get me stumped.  One time a kid asked me - "If the airplane is so heavy, why can it fly?"   I paused for a while before I can answer.  I was tempted to say "Look kid, here’s an encyclopedia, look under ‘aerodynamics’".    Then I reminded myself that the kid would just ask "what’s aerodynamics?", "how do you spell it?" or worse "I can’t read."   Soo.to save myself from trouble, I took a piece of paper, made an airplane then took another and made a ball.   I had the kid threw both of them as high as he can and as strong as he can.   Then when the plane flew, and the paper ball just dropped, I told him "That’s your answer!".  And the kid  ran to retrieve the plane, enjoying himself.  On the way he shouted "But this was not my question!"  but he went on anyway to retrieve the paper plane and continued playing with it so I got away with my answer.   

I guess kids do really ask endless questions.  Although sometimes it may be the wrong ones.  Or may sound stupid.  And sometimes, it may get tiring.   But it is up to us to open their minds and hearts to the wonders this world has offer - which sadly most of us, adults, have taken for granted.   We should never let the kid in us die.   Once in awhile, life becomes more wonderful if we step back and look at it in the eyes of a five year old.   And though we may not have all the answers to the questions, asking them gives us a chance to appreciate the wonders surrounding us.  I look forward to having another session again with kids.  Who knows what they’ll ask next. 

I was the best man during the wedding of one of my closest friends. During the ceremony as we were standing there at the front row waiting, my friend, the groom, turned to me and said,

“Pete, where you are now is the best position for you to feel what it’s like to be on your wedding day.”

Indeed as the ceremony began, these words started ringing back and forth in my head. Standing there beside the groom and looking at the march of the entourage as they started coming up front, I began to imagine what it would feel like if I were the groom on that day. As the bride started her march, the feeling began to sink in as I really got into the role playing game of imagination. (And I do have an avid imagination, but no, it didn’t go as far as I, taking over the groom that day…=) So the thoughts of a would-be-groom raced in - this is the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with…there is no turning back - for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health…we will spend eternity together… am I ready? I can understand a bit about Runaway Brides or Grooms. I guess getting cold feet may be the bravest thing they would have done after all.

For I do not believe in divorce - I hold the wedding vows - to spend the lifetime together in a loving and trusting relationship - sacred. Thus for me, to reach the moment when two people would love and trust each other enough to say - “let’s get married and grow old together” - not knowing what lies on the road ahead except on that promise that each will be there for each other - is indeed one of life’s greatest mysteries and blessings. Rationally, to commit about 50 years to a person one has known only for about a couple of years or even months, and promise to be there in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, till death do they part - is unthinkable. To complicate things, add another variable - the kids with minds of their own to run havoc around the house…

Yet it’s the mystery of love that moves two people to commit to each other, not knowing what lies ahead, as long as they stay together and work it out. For truly, people in love, divorce should not be a “default option”. It’s cold feet all over again but unlike Runaway Brides and Grooms, you have made an oath and vow and worse, if you have kids before you divorce… it often just leads to heartaches and messes up the very essence of getting married in the first place. Yeah, I maybe idealistic but if you are going to marry - have a grand wedding, swear before God and Men that you will love no one but each other, raise kids, buy and share a house, insurance plans, bank accounts, etc. (you get what I’m getting at..) then you better do your homework and make sure that He or She’s the one! (Of course, sad to say there are marriages that are forced, or empty to begin with..and if the only path of happiness and health for the couple is through divorce and separation, then so be it. It’s sad but humans as we are, we may come only to as close as being “ideal”, but live life in the “real”. )

SO how do we know if He and She’s the one?! Well, I’m still single so I may not be the best person to answer this and after several relationships it does beg the question, but I think, simply speaking, it has something to do with the “IT” factor. (Oh yeah, the “IT”.) The reason why you and I would stick it out together eventhough our teeth are falling, our hairs are gone and we could hardly sleep in the same bed with all that snoring - if we look for a rational reason, it just boggles the mind, so I call upon it, as “IT”. That “IT” is built over time, as trust and love is built over time. And it has to be built together, as a couple. Destiny perhaps, has a role; but if you have ever watched “Only You” (1994, Robert Downey, Jr, Marisa Tomei), then you will undertand a little thing about destinies. Indeed time and effort spent together, learning a little more to tolerate each other… learning to rely more on each other ..then finally realizing that life is more joyful, more bearable, more interesting when we are in each other’s company it is what makes us come to that moment when we exchange vows and say “I do” and not necessarily be destiny. (oopss. there goes my destiny!)

My parents are married for almost fifty years now. They still sleep in the same bed together; when the other is tired, they gave massages to each other; when the other is sick, they cook the favorite food and sit by the side to watch over each other; they spend after dinners sitting outdoor bench talking to each other or reading newspapers till they began nodding off and papers fall into their laps as they dozed off ..together - I am mesmerized by this.

I guess we can never answer how we know at that moment when the groom waits at the altar as the bride marches if He or She is the one. It takes a lifetime to answer that. But when the time comes when we are willing to risk everything and bet on a lifetime to say “I Do” to a person - then I guess at that moment we may indeed have found the one.